Reflections. . .

2/26/10 7:30PM
Uganda; day 59

This week has been one of reflections, and realizations. Having been here for about two months I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions. There have been some good days and some challenging days. The challenging days are the ones where I find myself questioning if we’re really doing any good here. If what we’re trying to teach them on budgeting is really going to stick, or if they will return to their old ways as soon as we’re gone. If I’m making any impact in the girls study group, or if they’re just sitting through it to humor me. I didn’t have clear expectations for what a mission trip would be like, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. I pictured having more impact on people’s lives, on making a significant and noticeable difference. I came because I felt like God was telling me to come, i didn’t know why, but I was willing to do whatever he put in front of me. . .

Two months later, I find the only thing in front of me is His word, and a lot of free time. I’ve come to understand what it’s like to meditate on His ways day and night. To give glory to Him even in the small things. I have a deeper understanding of the relationship that’s possible with Him. And most importantly, I feel like I’m beginning to understand in a way I’ve never seen before, the love He’s given to us, and the love He commands we return, and share with others. If you had asked me two months ago if I needed to go across the world to figure these things out I would have told you no, I probably would have even thought that I already knew about those things. But that’s just it, I knew “about” them, I’ve read the bible, I know the greatest commandments of love, I’ve followed the rules, I’ve talked to God, but I wasn’t grasping the fullness of it. Now I realize that the significant and noticeable difference i was looking to see in other people has happened within me. That though I had a plan of helping others, apparently God had a different plan for me first.

I may go home wondering if I’ve really helped anyone on this trip, but I will leave with a renewed heart and mind for God.

-Brandi